Crazy life

Hey readers! I hope and pray that this finds all of you in a good place of health and contentment.

I don't really know exactly what made me want to write tonight but it is the outlet of all of my emotions...so good luck sifting through all the craziness to glean something meaningful.

It's been an interesting few days with moving home and all. I really enjoy being back with my parents but I know that that is going to make the move a little more painful when it actually comes. Speaking of the great move to Memphis, I am looking for jobs, so anything that you know of in the Memphis area, I would love to know about. Shoot me an email or give me a call.

I think I have decided that I would kind of like to be a bank teller for a year if I can find that sort of thing. I am not highly qualified for it, but I have some cash handling experience and am good with computers. It would be a job that I could go in, put my time in, work hard, and then go home and (hopefully) not have to worry about. I don't know, could be fun. Anyway, I am a little nervous about this move obviously with not having a job lined up yet, or place to live, but I am working on it. I trust that the Lord will provide if that is where I am supposed to be for this year.

Graduating and moving on now just seems like a dream. Something that happened in the past but didn't mean anything. I said goodbye to my good friend today and that was difficult yet again. It is hard to see everyone who has been huge players in your life game move off and attach to different things. I am doing that too though, so it is not just all their fault.

Everything just seems kind of surreal right now. My shifting relationship with my friends, professors, brother as he gets married, parents, and Garrett as we move to the same city. So much is changing in my life that I can't seem to take it all in or process it all. I spent a long time today just laying on my bed (like a lazy college alumnus job searching should) and thinking about it all (which is always dangerous). It feels like everything in my life is changing right now and the effects are absolutely paralyzing. I try not to get caught up in all of it but I still do.

God has blessed me so immensely in each chapter of my life so far. I feel like to not look back, smell the roses, and remember the good times now would be taking for granted all that he has given me. My wonderful parents who raised me in the ways of the Father. My loving brother who taught me so much about the world and God and faith and love. The rest of my wonderful family that loves and supports me always. Little ole' Abilene and all of her quirks; she may be small and boring, but she will always be my first home. My amazing friends from elementary, middle and high school, and college that have helped to shape me into who I am. The Family of God that have supported me and sent me on all of my adventures and missions that sculpted me so greatly. And most recently, my incredible boyfriend who keeps me balanced, together, and moving forward through all of these changes. It would be impossible to look at my life and not see how incredibly blessed I have been and am today.

The marvelous thing is that God is not yet done with me. He is not through using people to sculpt and influence my life. He is faithful and true. He knows me and loves me and I hold on to that fact more than life itself. I try, readers, so hard to lean on that fact. I don't want my blog to come off as a place where I complain about things and changes in my life. I want to celebrate the His faithfulness and ability to carry me through even when I can't pick myself up. I marvel at the way that he has used each person in my life to help shape my story and carry little weak Kate through His greater story.

I suppose that is why I felt prompted to write tonight. Every single time that I write and submit myself to be quiet and alone with Him. He draws me back to Himself and His love and faithfulness. May you be encouraged because we are all His children and He loves us because He made us and knows us.

Not sure there was anything to glean here for you, reader, but may God be glorified in our effort.

Kate

Graduation Blues?

Well, I guess I finally did it. I wore my purple heels and walked across the stage and got my "diploma tube," ACU's idea of something photogenic that is easy to hand out on stage and should convince the audience that it actually contains something useful, like a degree. But anyway, it was a weekend filled of friends and family and fun. I purposefully chose not to deal with what was actually going on emotionally for fear that it might ruin the weekend. So I stuffed the emotional baggage in the trunk and enjoyed my weekend.

I guess I really didn't let it hit me until this afternoon when Garrett was about to leave and we were talking about plans for Memphis. Until this point it has been theoretical...all of it. But now, with the adrenaline of the weekend wearing off and the fatigue setting in, it is seeming very real. Sitting down to write my family and friends thank you notes seemed to put the final stamp. Just above my desk, I have a variety of pictures, notes, invitations, and cards from this year and past years in college. From little Kate, Dara, and Collin about to have a pillow fight in the freshman dorm, to Samoa of the girls holding the "We love you, Kate" banner, to kids in the youth group at church camp this summer, to this past April with my research collaborators and biochemistry colleagues, I have it all on my wall. I looked up at it and could not help but be overcome with emotion that this journey is finally over. This chapter of life has ended and a new one will soon begin.

I can't say that I am not ready to move on. I am very attached to my job, my friends, classmates, student org, and many other things about ACU. However, if you asked me if I wanted to do another couple semesters of it, I would have to say "no." I am ready to move on, but it is still a bit painful to be honest. I feel like graduation should feel happier than this...not to say I am not happy but this is one of the most bittersweet experiences I have ever had. I wonder if other graduates feel like this or if I am just that crazy. I expected to be thrilled, ready to be done with ACU, and a sense of closure of it all. Honestly, I feel very little closure. Sure, I had the parties and celebrations and attention that signifies that something is drawing to a close and are meant to prepare us for that, but it just convinced me even more of how much I love things here.

I never thought I would look a picture of my professors or the other students that drove me crazy and start crying. I never thought I would lose sleep over cleaning out my desk at work or finishing the time-sheets we enter every semester. But alas, what would life be without surprises. Pretty boring, I would guess.

Now I am worried that all of you will think that I am crazy and should just be happy because life goes on. I can only say that I know I will get there. There is just so much that is unsure in my life right now. I am really leaning on the power of God to carry me through these next couple of months. I feel called and very confirmed in the decision that I have made, but it is hard not to get wrapped up thinking about it all. Life does move on. Things work out. New friends will be made and old ones will stay in touch. I know that things can't stay the way they are in one stage of life for forever and honestly I wouldn't want them to.

The other thing that situations like this make me appreciate, is the consistent things that God has established for us. First and foremost, that He loves us very much and He will always be there. Secondly, family. That's really all I can say right now without going into another emotional fit but I am so immensely grateful for the institution of family and how ideally, they are our best friends for life. I know that as people, we sometimes get in the way of ourselves, but family really is pretty cool when you think about going through changes but your family is your family. I understand that I have an ideal family situation...I love and appreciate them more now than maybe ever.

That's probably all I have energy for tonight. Peace and blessings, friends.