Now I Can Feel It

Life goes on as normal. I suppose. For me that is. Life of my patients is a whole different issue. One seemingly filled with land-mines and hidden traps along the way. I don't mean to sound depressive. I am in no capacity depressed but I am rocked by the world that I live in right now. Who wouldn't be.

I have had a patient all the time that I have been here. I have walked through the ups and downs with him and his family. Right now, we are on a down. A major down. I have come to see just how important a chaplain's presence can be. I suppose that keeps me going in a non-self-absorbed way. I keep going because I know that somehow, God is making a difference through me.

I miss camp. I miss being with kids and having them around to lift my spirits and remind me that life goes on. Visits in my normal rounds are interesting, but I am coming to realize that there are things that I enjoy more and things that I steer away from. Some conversations are cut off. Some I cut off because I am uncomfortable. Now that I recognize that, perhaps I can look deeper into those conversations are rethink my aversion. I'll let ya know how that goes.

As far as more personal growth and change go, I have nothing more to offer. I think this summer is changing me beyond what I could ask or imagine. It is His power that works within me and I am realizing how this power cannot be stifled by anything I do except for ignore it. That's simply not an option. I hope that I don't ever try to do that. I can imagine the effects would be irreparable.

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. I feel them. I feel everything these days! :)

Camp Star Trails: The World's Greatest

Hey readers! I'm sorry it has taken me a while to write again, but here it is:

I spent this past week at Camp Star Trails which is a camp put on mostly by people at MD Anderson for kiddos with cancer and their siblings. We had kids of all varieties there. We had boys and girls, from ages 5-6 all the way up to 12-13, still very sick and on chemo to siblings who had never been sick a day in their lives, kids who had just been diagnosed to kids that had never known a life without cancer. It was truly an amazing experience.

You may be wondering how something like this could be pulled off and how these kids, some with blatant disabilities could be entertained and kept from homesickness at an overnight camp for a week. Well, let's just say we were moving, moving, moving, the whole week.

I had a cabin of 10-12-year-old girls that were amazing. We had two that required a lot of special attention and another couple that tired very easily. We were at a camp site called "Camp for All" that is, what appears to be a multi-million dollar operation, complete with their own staff. All of the camp is completely wheel-chair accessible including the pools and bathrooms. Our cabin had only 8 campers to 4 counselors and we needed everyone of them!

The day started with optional "early morning fishing" at 6:30AM and ended most nights around 10:30 for us when all the girls got showered and in bed. We did basically everything that kids do at summer camp (that's kinda the point). We fished, canoed, did archery, rode bikes, conquered low ropes, climbed high ropes, went horseback riding, played sports, had a beauty spa and tea party, danced (a lot), got dressed up for a party and so much more. It was a full week! I am so happy to say that everyone in my cabin, including one wheel-chair/walker-bound camper, got to do everything! It was of course challenge by choice, but they were mostly great about choosing to challenge themselves.

Most people I have talked to about this have asked me if it was just overwhelmingly sad to be with these kids and how in the world I could work with kids with cancer. Honestly there were just a few times in the week that it was sad for me. When we were up and moving around doing things, it was pretty easy to forget what these kids are struggling with. But when we calmed down and settled for bed in the evening, it was impossible to escape. I suppose some of my campers may have been told they are "terminal" but I obviously didn't ask and they didn't volunteer that information. Who gives a care though? They don't (for the most part). They choose to get up every morning of camp and try new things and make new friends. They are kids and despite the amount of maturity one might think they claim after a diagnosis, they really still act like kids.

We sang a lot of songs at camp that were really cool and inspirational that I don't have time to write here. But there is one that sticks in my memory. We would sing this with motions and everything every morning and several evenings. It was really cool to see the kids start believing the chorus:

The first time I heard it, I was a bit shocked. What are we teaching these kids?! But really, it's so true. They are the world's greatest. They have overcome a very formidable enemy: Giving up. They (or their brother or sister) may or may not win the fight with cancer if we are honest, many of them will lose. But they get up and act like kids every morning. They came to a camp away from their parents and did amazing! I don't think I'll ever forget that song and how amazing it was to see these kids sing it.

The other aspect that I really liked about camp was how the brothers and sisters were invited to come and be a part of camp as well. They all cared so much about their bro or sis that is sick and were so attentive to their family connection. One little girl in my cabin and her little brother (coincidentally in Carter's cabin) reminded me some what of Wade and I's relationship and how I used to look up to him. It was so obvious how important that bond between brothers and sisters is, especially when one of them is or has been so sick.

I don't want to talk your ears off, but you can probably tell that I LOVED camp. I have recognized how much I LOVE working with kids, especially older elementary aged ones. I think back to Samoa and how important those kids were/are to me and how attached I got to the kids I worked with this week and can't help but think about doing something in the future with kids. Whether this is going into pediatrics, having my own kids, or doing something else I haven't thought of, I don't have a clue. I also realize that we have GOT to find better treatments and cures for them. Maybe research wouldn't be so bad after all.

I want everyone I know to go down to Star Trails with me next summer. My plan is to try to return to camp if it works out with wherever God has me next summer. His placement of me these past few years has been so incredible! I wouldn't change a thing, even though at times it has been hard and sad.

I hope you will join me in praying for these amazing kids, themselves and their siblings, and their fights with cancer. They are amazing and resilient for the most part. They really are the world's greatest!

A Shock to the Heart

Each week is bringing a new flavor of this job that I have and more over, of this life that I am leading. Donny and Laura (former interns) both warned me of the shocking self-discovery that this internship is sure to bring about. I thought back to my junior year in high school and the major disillusionments and self-discovering I had done back then and dreaded that this might be a bit like that. However, I had no idea what was in store for me this week.

As I wrote in my last blog, I was on-call at MD Anderson on Monday, available for all families or patients in distress. That was a little tough but I got through it. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday I had some fairly intense and long visits each day. I heard out the patients worries and concerns and assisted them, mostly by listening, in getting through some of it. I thought that I was dealing with it just so efficiently that I had no qualms about going about the rest of my life in the evenings. I then got some news about a friend of mine that has been admitted to MD Anderson with a serious diagnosis. Although this upset me quite a bit, I pushed it to the back of my mind and moved on swiftly to the rest of my life. I thought I had dealt with everything that I needed to.

Although when I didn't get restful sleep on Thursday night, I found out that something was not quite right. I had strange dreams that haunted me throughout the morning such as a dream about me getting sick and being confused. When I got to work, I found it very hard to concentrate on what we were discussing and had very few things to say (which is odd for me). I felt like I was on the edge of tears all day but couldn't pin point why. I decided that I was too emotionally compromised to go on visits straight away after lunch. I picked up my visit sheet in the office (which was enormous and compounded the stress) and went into the chapel armed only with time to spend, a Bible, and pen and paper.

I first cast off some surface stress by entrusting it to God in formal prayer. I journal prayer at night and devote time in prayerful thought throughout the day, but it dawned on me that I had not actually entrusted these things to God in a traditional prayer. I prayed for my friend, my patient, my family, and some other things that were on my list of life anxieties. Once I had swept off the dusty floor of my mind, I was expecting great relief, but didn't find any. I was led to spend some time in quiet mediation, striving to clear my mind from these anxious thoughts and letting words go as a manner of communicating them to God. As I sat there, I still felt pressure building up within me. So, I decided to do the one thing that almost always helps me bleed out some of my worries, I picked up my pen and started to write.

As the words flowed out of my mind and onto the paper, I began to see that this was going deep. Below the dusty floor of my mind, was a trap door leading down into my deeper fears and anxieties. I discovered that most of my anxieties were about things that I couldn't control. The unknowns if you will, had crept in like termites and began to eat away at the structure of my deep mind and heart.

Finally, I was led to the real fear that had been reeking the most havoc on me. It was a fear I had never sensed. It was the fear of not being satisfied with my decision to become a physician. It was my fear of turning away from that. I had never given myself permission in these last two years to want something different, to not be okay with the sacrifices that medicine was asking me to take. I was afraid of not wanting that any more. Silly isn't it?

I have felt, since I made that decision, that my lot was cast, my bags were checked, my boarding pass was non-refundable, non-transferable. I had not given myself permission to look at the big board of flights and rethink which one I wanted to get on. I realized that it was OK to not be ok with the sacrifices that doctors make for my life. I had spent so much time being affirmed and looking for affirmation that I had developed tunnel vision for my life. Everything was about med school. Everything. Grades, activities, my schedule, etc. Even my time with my friends was wasted to some extent when I got a grade back I was not happy about. I was worried for goodness sake about making a B in Organic Chemistry and scoring "Average" on the national standardized final. I wanted to be above average, not for me, but for med school.

My head bowed when I realized this and I identified the sin. Med school and the life of a physician, the power of a physician had become the pearl in the field that I wanted to sell almost everything for. But most of all, I was afraid of the fact that I wasn't okay with that.

Please do not be led to believe that I am altering my whole life plan right now. I am not dropping out of ACU. I am not changing my major. I am not even changing my pre-med concentration. I am however changing my way of thinking about the future. I am going to go into this next school year with a new mind set of finally allowing myself to be myself, allowing my thoughts of the future to be designated by the presence of God, not a stethoscope.

As you can imagine, this was a hard step for me to take. I had drawn a lot of identity from that designation. I am still healing from the scar of where that identity was attached to my heart. I ask for your prayers and your indulgences as I grow into whatever God wants me to be. Even if that is an elementary teacher, Mom. :)

Thanks for all your love, support and prayers. I am so very very very grateful to have such a base of friends, family, family friends, and friendly family to pour my heart out to.

I'm Chaplain Huggins, returning your page?

"Is that a question?" my Spanish teacher would ask periodically when I sounded unsure about a phrase that I was pronouncing. "Yes, Dr. Brown, I believe it was." I would reply back with utmost respect. "Oh, I see. Could you say it like it was not a question." He asked walking over to my desk. "Yes (I could but only because you have already implied my syntax was correct by dwelling on the tone of my voice rather than the jumbled phrases)..." and class would continue. Yesterday, while being on call, I answered a phone that way. "This is Chaplain Huggins? Returning your call? (Oh goodness let it have been a mistake)." 

However, my confidence grew a bit throughout the day as I lived minute by minute hoping that none of the communication devices strapped to my waist would make a sound. But they did. It was unavoidable. It was not that I didn't want to do the work that they would imply was needing to be done, but the shock of any second being whisked away to another hard, unfamiliar situation.

I only responded to three calls, one of which I passed on to the "Second call chaplain" because I was in a meeting with the family from the first call. Although I cannot reveal the nature of my visits, I can tell you that I was stretched yesterday. However, let me say in no uncertain terms that God was there with me. Lifting me up and holding me tight in every situation. 

I know that God blesses this ministry because I have seen it. I have seen it in others and I now know I have seen it in myself. I could not have done anything for either of those situations if God had not been in control. More on that later I am sure. 

I suppose its a bit like being in the desert and having nothing that can help you besides a little training. Don't mistake me for saying that the training was less than it could have been. It is all really good. But truly, training is only a tool. God is the craftsman that puts the oasis in front of you and tells you how to get there. 

Thanks for reading, more to come. 

Tongue-tied

I need to start by apologizing for not keeping up with this blog like I did last summer. While these summers are vastly different and require different amounts of time and energy, I am still going to try to do better about keeping you guys all updated as best I can. 

I have had a problem this week of being as I might describe effectively tongue tied as far as writing goes. I would call it writers block but to me that signifies not writing at all or lacking the creativity to do so effectively. I have been tongue-tied, without words, not stories. I have plenty of stories to tell from each day, each moment, but the language with which to express what I need to is severely lacking. When we met with Virgil Fry on Friday for our reflections, he recommended journalling with as many feeling words as we could conjure up. I am not going to pretend that this concept scares me to some extent. If you know me at all, which the fact that you have my blog address might be an indication, you would know that I am head first thinker. Or at least that is what Paul calls it. This internship is a good way of getting in touch I suppose with my "feeling" side, but I am not yet to the point where I have mastery of the language of "feeling"; perhaps that is my brick wall, perhaps there is no "mastery" of this realm of life. 

This past week my reflection that I submitted to Paul and the rest of the guys on Friday was what I thought a clever play on Forest Gump's "box of chocolate" life theory. I submitted that "Pastoral Ministry is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are gonna get." Sometimes you walk into the room and it's like sweet milk chocolate with roasted almonds (my favorite). The visit is good and upbeat. The patient is responsive to open ended questions and does about 90% of the talking. Some visits are like the unidentified pink goo that tastes horrible and remains in your mouth the rest of the day. The patient kicks you out or won't talk or whatever the case may be. The point is that you don't know what is inside until you take a bite. The kicker to the analogy is that God is the chocolate. You don't know what is inside, but you know that God is going to be there and sustain you through the visit. You may not like the middle, but because God is there and chocolate is your favorite thing, you take the bite. Walking into that patients room and introducing yourself is taking the bite. I have gained the confidence already that I can take that step. I can deal with the uncertainty of the filling because I know that God is working in me and through me. He goes with me into each visit. More over, he has already been there and will continue to work in the patient or family member's heart after I leave. Praise God that He is the one doing this work, not me. 

Thanks for listening to my ramblings. I will try to keep you guys up to date. 

Tomorrow, Monday the 8th, is my first day on call at MD Anderson as the chaplain from 8am-5pm. This means I will respond to referrals, pages, code blues and any deaths that may occur. This work would be unbearable if it where not for the God that lives in me and goes beside me. Please be in prayer for my co-interns and I as we take this step in our ministry. 

Insert Creative Title Later

So sorry that I haven't been too good about posting this week. My week has been very tiring and very full. Between actual work, working out and trying to keep up with people my days fill themselves time and time again and before I know it, I am thinking, "Whew! I better go to bed soon or I will regret it." Sometimes I regret it anyways. 

Monday was a good day starting with donuts and following through with videos about listening skills. I had heard most of it from the other literature that we have gone through lately, but refresher courses are never bad. Visits were fairly uneventful except in the sense that after I finished my list at St. Luke's, I walked over to MD Anderson only to discover that Evan and Preston had already finished the lists over there as well. We didn't have our reading with us, so we dosed in a lobby (I say "a lobby" because there are like a million lobbies in there) for a while until we met Carter to drive home. 

Tuesday Paul followed me on some visits to see how I was doing. He assured me that it was NOT an assessment, but just making sure I knew my way around and interacted well with patients. We saw a couple of patients together and then he pealed off to do some lunch before taking off for the day. Monday and Tuesday were my first days to interact with a pediatric patient and a family of a pediatric patient in Texas Children's Hospital. It is definitely a whole new ball game! More on that in a minute. 

Today, which is Wednesday, was quite depressing in most senses as far as visits went. There were a few moments of smiles and laughter, but for the most parts my patients today were not interested in talking about the weather or the Astros. They were interested in talking about their pain, their concern for their families, and more. I watched as in room after room eyes filled with tears and emotions overflowed on to the pillows as wet splotches, reminders of human's imperfect and volatile nature. Perhaps it was the weather, perhaps it was the fact that I have known some of them for a couple of days, but perhaps it was just God, asking me to swim deeper in to these waters. As when you are scuba diving, I feel that my ears will equalize at some point, but for now, they are aching. My heart has been asked to pour out more today and any of the other days combined. 

I ask that you all pray for strength for me as I continue to swim deeper into the waters of this ministry. God is faithful. He has carried me this far, and I know He will not let me down. This week has been such a reminder that pain can still reach us when we are leaning upon him. It can reach us but not overtake us. I think of the verse, "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." (2 Corinthians 4:8-9) This summer is different in every respect than last summer, that is for sure! :) 

Thanks for reading. Comments and other messages are encouraged!

Weekly Reflection, Week 2

Tonight for my entry, I offer my reflection that I turned in to Paul and my co-interns today. Enjoy and comment! 

            This week has been characterized by varying thoughts and emotions ranging from confidence to panic and airy contentment to maddening heartbreak. Some of the things that we saw and experienced this week were completely new for me. Before this week, I had never seen a “bald” cancer patient or someone so jaundice that total hepatic failure had to be right around the corner. It may go without saying, but this week has been a journey.  

            To be honest, I cannot pretend that this week has not been difficult. However, it has also been ironically rewarding. An analogy that I have used might be that our journey thus far has been like a weekend at a lake. One of my favorite things to do is tubing with a motor boat. I feel like the workshop was like picking out a bathing suit and learning how to snap together your life jacket. Last week, with Paul at the wheel, we hopped in the boat and surveyed the lake, or at least part of it. The mentored visitation might be when Paul got out on the tube and we watched him take the ride. On call training was like jumping into the cold water and realizing the depth and serious nature of our ministry. Luckily, my life jacket was securely fastened and much like wearing a life jacket and swimming out to the tube, it was uncomfortable, but possible. Finally, Thursday, going out on visits alone, felt like climbing on the tube, reviewing the safety signals, and taking a quick turn on the lake. I felt a net feeling similar to the fear and rush that one feels when tubing. I came away from this week feeling a little sore, but overall good and definitely stronger because of it.

            This week, God really put the story of the widow’s offering[1] on my heart. In this story, the rich of the community offer their gifts to the synagogue, but the widow’s two coins is the gift that Jesus not only sees, but honors as well. I identify with the widow this week. There have been opportunities for ministry in my past that came very easily and I felt that I had a lot of preparation and a lot to offer.  But this week, I felt like the widow. I had my two copper coins and I put them in the treasury of this ministry. I feel as though God has blessed the offering and done something with it. As long as I continue to give all I have, God will bless it. I suppose that one of my challenges this summer is to accept that in this weakness, God will be strong and make me stronger. I can’t wait to see what the rest of the summer will bring.

---

[1] Luke 21:1-4

Week 2: Day 1

After a long weekend of relaxation and family fun, it was back to work this morning! Over the weekend we were asked to reflect on the reasons that we have done this internship and such answering three main questions: Who Am I? Why am I here? and What do I hope to gain from this summer? 

I split mine up into sub-categories and handed in a brief outline that I was able to flesh out in the discussion. I was inspired by my fellow interns and what they had to say on the subject. I personally identified with each of them in a specific way and I hope they did the same. I found that although we are very different, there are somethings that resonate with each of us in the others' personalities. Paul, our supervisor, gave great feedback on each of our goals and priorities. I can't wait to look back at the end of the summer and see how much I have grown and changed. 

Then we went to lunch at a place called Trevisio's that was AMAZING! I can't describe the experience to well because of my limited descriptive vocabulary, but it was SOOO good. Anyway, we had lunch. 

After that we headed down to MD Anderson and went for some visits. Again we went with Paul and he led the way. Paul took me into a room on a visit with a person that he had talked to before. Although we had to wear a gown and gloves and all that jazz, I found the visit very pleasant. Upon entering the room, one really has no idea what to expect, however, I found that the more I looked the patient in the eyes, the more I involved myself in the conversation, the less afraid I got. Perhaps it is in those moments when we want so badly to detach and run screaming from the room, we need to attach and allow ourselves to fully be in the room. I am not going to pretend that I didn't see the bags of IV fluid or the beeping machines and wires entangling the patient, but I found that I was truly able to concentrate on the patient. Perhaps she was dying. Perhaps she was sick (cancer and pneumonia). Perhaps she was hardly dressed and had been stripped of all control in her life. But she was living, that is for sure. Perhaps we should consider that she simply was. She was there. She was alive (the past tense is not meant to communicate a change in that capacity). It was enough. It is enough for God and for me that she simply was today. I don't know that it makes any sense, but I feel like that is my lesson from today. She was there and I was happy to see her. I was glad (and scared, but glad) to walk into her room for a short visit and a prayer and some discussion.

Tonight will be a good night to reflect and enjoy simply being. Perhaps that should go on my list of life goals. Everyday with my bowl of Wheaties, I will think to myself: Today I will be. 

(PS I don't really eat Wheaties)

Please comment and thanks for reading!!

First Visit

Let me start off this blog by recounting my facebook status from this evening. I think it sets the tone quite nicely: "Kate Huggins...has never felt this kind of pain...in her feet!" Today was long and not hard aside from the fact that I am breaking in my two pairs of shoes that I shopped for on Monday. 

We began our day with the unforeseen fieldtrip to the administrative building of the TMC *Texas Medical Center* where we received our badges for Anderson *MD Anderson Cancer Center*. To my surprise, I was adequately pleased with the second picture that the lady took. I had emo-bangs in the first, covering my eyes. I decide that even if the gothic look is "in" it might scare sweet little patients in the ped's (pronounced "peeds")*pediatrics* ward over there. After that we spent our classroom time discussion our verbatim reports through which we will explore each other's visits. Those are going to be tons of fun. I can see it now. I do think that they will be highly educational though. 

After our 3 hour lunch break (Paul had a meeting) and a drawn out meal at our new Chinese favorite, Magic Wok, we went to the Methodist Hospital and sat in the lobby for a while. It looks like a hotel lobby basically, so it wasn't too bad. We talked about ACU chapel and some other policies and Carter gave good insight into Pepperdine's methodologies about that. 

When Paul arrived from his meeting we trekked over to Herman *Memorial Herman Hospital* to make our first round of visits. This time, Paul did the talking and one of us at a time, walked into the room with him to observe. The patient that I saw was highly receptive to our presence although he was tired because he had been up for three hours straight (his longest yet). He was in the intermediate care facility so we just stayed for a few minutes. After the visit, I identified my emotion as "confident" because I saw that I can really do this stuff, after some more training of course. 

I am highly fatigued and in order to give my all tomorrow, I need to get to sleep. Again, thanks for all the support! Please leave comments!!

First Day of "Work" aka Passport and Welcome Week in One Unfriendly Package

Well, today was my first day in the "office" and "hospitals!" It was great to see how the rest of the summer is going to play out. We started the day with some doughnuts and meeting the office staff up at Lifeline. They are all super sweet. They asked us to leave them our preferences on food and beverages so that they could stock the kitchen for us.

Then we had our first meeting with Paul and we were graced with Virgil Fry's (Executive Director)'s presence for a few minutes. We talked through the summer and the schedule and expectations (hence the title of this entry).  We ate lunch at a little sandwich shop and slipped into the medical center just in time for my appointments with the two directors of the volunteer coordination for the two hospitals I have been assigned. I had 3 different tests throughout the course of the day, two about hospital policies after respective videos and lectures, as well as a TB test that is now on my arm. All three with good results (thus far) and relatively painless, I would say the day was a success. 

I am tired but not worn out, not yet anyways. Thanks for the support, messages, comments, calls, emails, and prayers. I couldn't do it without... viewers like you!

Party Time (numero uno)

Hi there! I didn't post last night because I was so tired when I got home I basically collapsed into my bed and stayed comfortably ensconced until the late hours of the morning. We had a great day though. 

We began with church at Bering Drive Church of Christ, where we were announced and welcomed gladly. However the attention of the congregation was turned toward the four graduating seniors. We didn't mind however, being that the senior bless provided a meal and a chance to get to talk together. 

Then we went and finished out our sessions of the workshop from 1-5. It was good and very informative, but I was very tired at the end of it. We talked about self-care and how being a chaplain works in and with your life. After that, Evan announced that there was going to be a party in honor of us finishing the workshop, but, naturally, we were in charge of throwing it ourselves. So we did. 

We headed back the the Fromberg's house where the boys changed into leisure clothes and after a short meeting in the "Bat-room" as they call it, we piled into Carter's Tahoe and went to my house. After a short tour, we determined that the best course of action was to go to the grocery store and buy some food to cook for dinner. 

Guys like to grill and so since I am the only girl, that is what we did. Some steak (Preston), brats (Carter and Evan) and hot-dogs (me), fresh corn, blackberries and ingredients for sopapilla cheesecake filled our cart and we headed to the Fromberg's to grill it up. 

However, because the grill at the Fromberg's is interestingly tempermental, we climbed into the bug and headed back to my house. We teamed up on the ingredients and bent them to our will quite deliciously. Preston told us all his great skill with dessert food and Evan taught us how to make satisfactory brats. After our meal, we headed back to the Fromberg's for a short swim (it was a little chilly). We messed around and had a good-time together. Right now I am supposed to be leaving for family dinner at the Fromberg's so I will leave it there. 

My first real day at work is tomorrow! Get excited!

Whew!

Today was the longest day of my life, oh, I mean the workshop. We got there at 9:00AM and left shortly before 9:00PM. It was a long day full of a lot of information that is hard to digest all together. I am not saying that I was discouraged, although what can you expect after a day of talking about death, dying, and grieving, but that is what I signed up for after all. 

We talked about things from death to illness, to grieving years later, to counseling the terminal patients and the ones that want to talk about the Astros game. We learned how to listen, how to perceive things, how to infer things and when to check those out. 

I am so tired and the brainwaves are becoming more and more shallow as I write this. If there is something that you are yearning to be praying for for me, it would just be that I and my co-interns, Preston, Evan, and Carter, would have the strength, energy, and vitality to finish this workshop and not become overwhelmed by what we are facing this summer. I find it easy to check out emotionally and stop caring, but that is contrary to our purpose as chaplains and students. 

Thanks so much for reading and please comment when you can!

Creating Healing Communities

Last night after I posted, I went back to my aunt and uncles and spent a fairly uneventful night with them. Flossie and Fielding (Preston, Evan, and Carter's hosts) and Preston came over to our house to watch the Office and were thoroughly entertained. Apparently they, Fielding and Flossie, aren't huge Office fans. Anyway, I watched an episode of House and called it a night. 

Today was passed by having breakfast with my aunt's Bible study group (sweet ladies) and then meeting Hailey for lunch and the return of my most valuable asset, my glasses. I had left them at her house. Nothing really happened until 5:30 or so when I went to the boys' house (by this I mean co-interns) and we set off for the Lifeline Building. 

We ate dinner from a place called Hungry's and got to know each other a little better. Oh, I forgot the best part, the 45 minute long car ride to the building. We passed Joel Olsteen's Church and laughed a bit about that. Anyway, we learned about loss and crisis tonight and the very first part of helping people through things. Really though, most of what I learned was that I knew nothing. This is okay though. I was surprised to learn how much this ministry depends on knowing yourself and dealing with your losses and grief before you council. I am sure there will be more on that to come. Upon my first foray into the murky waters of chaplaincy, I suppose that I didn't know just how deep this all goes. I suppose that is why people can do it for so long and are so blessed by the ministry--they allow it to go deep. More on that later. Thanks for reading. Keep the comments coming!

Life is a Highway...

Whew! It's hot here. Why didn't anyone warn me? Just kidding, I came with full knowledge of the terrific heat and her sister, humidity. It's really not that bad. I suppose I was being dramatic.

Well, I made it. I stopped in Waco for a night with Hailey Mueck and drove the rest of the way this morning. That made the 6 hours seem short and easy. I know friends who have driven a lot more to get to their destinations this summer. I am now at my grandparents house, soaking in the thought of having my own room now for 12 weeks before braving the terrors of communal living in Uruguay. I can't wait to get started.

Apparently, one of my co-interns is supposed to arrive in about 15 minutes to Houston and I am not sure if I am going to see him or not tonight. His host parents are out of town as well, so I have a feeling that our lonely houses might get to us at some point. I am going to my aunt and uncles to eat dinner. I met their pug Anja earlier. I think she is the first dog that I am not ashamed to say she is so ugly she almost passes for cute. I personally think that she looks like my uncle Bob, but my aunt protests when I say that. Also, her name is pronounced An-ya. Apparently, if you live in northern England, that makes sense. However, if not, it doesn't. I call her "An-ja-stasia" like the Romanov princess that was picked off with the rest of her family. Pronouncing "-ja" as in jaw like a real Texan. My aunt and uncle aren't real Texans, well, at least real west Texans. Anyways, more on Anja later I am sure.

I start my internship tomorrow with a three day workshop! I can hardely wait to get started. Good thing I have all day tomorrow to shop for more shoes. Welcome to the land of Panera and Macy's!!!!

First Entry

Hi there! This is the second in the series of my summer entries. I am happy to announce that I will be a Lifeline Chaplaincy Intern this summer. From what I had been told, I will be attending some sort of mysterious class in the mornings and making visits with our patients in the hospitals during the afternoons. The bleak halls that I will be helping in will be those of St. Luke's and Texas Children's Hospitals in the Medical Center in Houston, Texas. Per HIPPA and other regulations, I will not divulge any stories or names or anything of that nature. I am very excited to share my thoughts and feelings and the ways in which God is teaching me and stretching me. I can't wait to get started!

Tonight, I am still at home spending time with my friend Lacy and relaxing. Packing?, You ask? No. Not too much. Because I am not going 6,000 miles away without a Walmart, I am harshly tempted to assume that I have everything packed that (a) I cannot live without for a week, and/or (b) I cannot replace in Houston. I'll see how this whole "I have a walmart theory" works out! 

Thanks for reading, it will get more interesting soon...I promise!