Tongue-tied

I need to start by apologizing for not keeping up with this blog like I did last summer. While these summers are vastly different and require different amounts of time and energy, I am still going to try to do better about keeping you guys all updated as best I can. 

I have had a problem this week of being as I might describe effectively tongue tied as far as writing goes. I would call it writers block but to me that signifies not writing at all or lacking the creativity to do so effectively. I have been tongue-tied, without words, not stories. I have plenty of stories to tell from each day, each moment, but the language with which to express what I need to is severely lacking. When we met with Virgil Fry on Friday for our reflections, he recommended journalling with as many feeling words as we could conjure up. I am not going to pretend that this concept scares me to some extent. If you know me at all, which the fact that you have my blog address might be an indication, you would know that I am head first thinker. Or at least that is what Paul calls it. This internship is a good way of getting in touch I suppose with my "feeling" side, but I am not yet to the point where I have mastery of the language of "feeling"; perhaps that is my brick wall, perhaps there is no "mastery" of this realm of life. 

This past week my reflection that I submitted to Paul and the rest of the guys on Friday was what I thought a clever play on Forest Gump's "box of chocolate" life theory. I submitted that "Pastoral Ministry is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are gonna get." Sometimes you walk into the room and it's like sweet milk chocolate with roasted almonds (my favorite). The visit is good and upbeat. The patient is responsive to open ended questions and does about 90% of the talking. Some visits are like the unidentified pink goo that tastes horrible and remains in your mouth the rest of the day. The patient kicks you out or won't talk or whatever the case may be. The point is that you don't know what is inside until you take a bite. The kicker to the analogy is that God is the chocolate. You don't know what is inside, but you know that God is going to be there and sustain you through the visit. You may not like the middle, but because God is there and chocolate is your favorite thing, you take the bite. Walking into that patients room and introducing yourself is taking the bite. I have gained the confidence already that I can take that step. I can deal with the uncertainty of the filling because I know that God is working in me and through me. He goes with me into each visit. More over, he has already been there and will continue to work in the patient or family member's heart after I leave. Praise God that He is the one doing this work, not me. 

Thanks for listening to my ramblings. I will try to keep you guys up to date. 

Tomorrow, Monday the 8th, is my first day on call at MD Anderson as the chaplain from 8am-5pm. This means I will respond to referrals, pages, code blues and any deaths that may occur. This work would be unbearable if it where not for the God that lives in me and goes beside me. Please be in prayer for my co-interns and I as we take this step in our ministry.